In brightest day, in blackest night, no evil shall escape my sight…”

The Liberal Blog Test for Bad Christianity Translator Questionairre Generator

That’s right, ladies and gents… today’s Translator has been replaced by the Translation Industries Questionairre Generator. We figured that since He Who Briefly Sojourned Among Us™ was kind enough to show the members of this blog how evil, mean, and nasty we are, we here at Translation Industries figured that it’d just be plain neighborly to return the favor.

So, we now present for your viewing pleasure… The Are You Conservative or Stupid Test

Violence

1. Do you believe that violence is inappropriate in all cases, despite the fact that God used violence in the OT repeatedly to deliver justice to people that had set themselves against His chosen people?

2. Does it stick in your craw that Jesus never once told Roman Soldiers to give up the military, even using one as an example of a person with the greatest faith in all Israel?

3. Since violence is all mean and nasty in general, is it therefore nice and pleasant to not use violence to protect someone in need of protection? In other words, if you walked into your house and found someone raping your sister, is it more Biblical to ask them politely to please stop violating her civil and human rights, or is it more Biblical to grab a baseball bat or other appropriate instrument of destruction, and begin the re-education process with the individual, sending them for the Ultimate Education™ if needed?

Modernity

1. Should Christian Conservatives have the same rights as liberals?

2. Is the Liberal Christian Concept of Absolute Pacifism a realistic possibility in a world that still actively seeks to kill Christians, such as those in Sri Lanka, Africa, and Pakistan?

3. Do you accept the validity of conservative, non extremeist Christians?

4. Do you have anything you can learn from them?

5. Why didn’t you?

Secularity

1. Should non-liberals enjoy completely equal civil rights with liberals?

2. May a liberal convert to conservativism and not be condemned as an unthinking robot of GWB?

3. May a liberal person marry a non-liberal person? (See how much more politically correct we are here?)

4. Do you accept the laws of a majority conservative government?

5. When liberal customs conflict with conservative theology and common sense, which should give way?

Christian Pluralism

1. Are Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, and George W. Bush Christians?

2. Do you understand why nutcases like Spong and Borg are generally seen as nutcases by conservatives?

3. Are accusations of being mean old conservatives and hateful orthodoxers acceptable practices?

4. By the way, if Spong and Co. are allowed to take out the parts of scripture they don’t believe in, like the Creation and the Resurrection and Hell and those unfortunate wars fought at the command of God in the OT, can we take some out, too? I’d sure like to get rid of those rules about murder, sexuality, oh – and the Psalms. Too many of them.

Self-Criticism

1. Do you accept the complete rejection by conservatives of goofy things like the Jesus Seminar?

2. Who was responsible for making the US and Britain spend a bunch of money on protecting the President during his trip to England? What type of person represented the greatest threat?

3. Saddam, over the 1990’s, caused the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people in Iraq from non-enforcement of treaties and a laxidasical approach toward human rights under the Hussein regime. Since Liberals and Socialists and the Protestor Ilk were so interested in seeing Saddam remain in power, doesn’t that make them responsible parties for those deaths by default?

Defense Against Liberal Christianity

1. Do you accept the need to toss people with ideas that are based in the writings of Karl Marx, who represent those ideas as of a higher status than Scripture, out of the Christian Church?

2. Do you agree that organizations that fund or support terrorists and dictators are potentially dangerous? Do you agree that countries that hide known terrorists from us are not our friends?

Goals in the World

1. Do you accept that the majority of churches in the world are non-liberal and that many governments are non-liberal? Would you submit to the rule of those nations and churches as instructed in scripture?

2. Do you realize that Benny Hinn has more things right about scripture than you?

3. Do you realize that Jack Chick is probably a better representative of the love of Christ than Bishop Spong?

OK… that’ll do for now…