Gentlemen:

I am a Lutheran. Any of you are most welcome to visit me in my home, and you may even attend worship with me.

However, upon the administering of the eucharist, it is vitally important that you do not join me in taking it.

You see, it is not enough that you believe the words “blood shed for the forgiveness of your sins.” IT IS NOT ENOUGH.

Only one tradition is “the faith once delivered to the saints”. Christ makes demands on his disciples—one of those demands is that you DISCERN THE BODY. Lutheranism is THE BODY which has threaded every doctrinal needle, kept every fundamental article of faith, and strikes a doctrinal balance between EVERY MAJOR ERRONEOUS BRANCH OF SO CALLED “CHRISTIANITY”.

Remember, gentlemen: if you want to be fed by Christ, you need to do more than believe. You need to study, read, repent of your heteropraxy and discern the true body.

After being pissed of, you can thank me later for administering eucharistic discipline which will bring you to true saving grace. I’ll take a tithe of those future fruits of yours, too.

(Gentlewomen, shut up. Just follow those repenting husbands of yours. That’s right.)