A spokesman for the Boars Head Tavern (BHT) announced today that their prize horse, Inerrancy, died of complications associated with logic. She was a magnificent animal, a real accomplishment for our team of scientists, claimed M. Johnson, referring to the groundbreaking re-animation experiment successfully conducted at the BHT. Weve been ahead of those folks from Pittsburgh from day one. All they could manage to re-animate was a wimpy dog that had been dead for only a few hours, bragged Johnson. He is referring to the unofficial competition between the BHT and the Safar Center for Resuscitation Research (website).

Inerrancy originally died in the tavern on 21 Feb 2005. Scientists specializing in cryogenic applications and suspended animation agreed that no successful re-animations had occurred on any animals that had been clinically dead for 120 days. Theyve pulled quite a feat, admitted Dr. H. West. Frankly, if they hadnt had the DNA tests to prove it was really Inerrancy, we wouldnt have believed it. He continued, Amazing, really. One-hundred and twenty days. A slug or a beetle, maybe. But a horse? Thats really something! But Dr. West joined others expressing some concern that BHT horses have an unusually high mortality rate. It does make you wonder how sanitary the place is. I hope the investigation team will inspect their ventilation system and their plumbing. Somethings got to be wrong with that place.

Indeed, the BHT has been under frequent scrutiny for alleged noxious air, foul liquids, and numerous impurities. One neighbor, speaking on condition of anonymity, agreed: I saw what they did with them catheters to those horses. They thought they were so clever to bottle it and even serve it on tap. Downright disgusting is what it is!

While this latest fatality will increase suspicions about activities in the tavern, BHT residents remain largely unfazed. Yeah, we thought it would be fun to give old Inerrancy a good workout while the Director was away, said K. Nordstrom. [The director of the BHT is M. Spencer, aka, iMonkEd.] When asked if this re-animation was done without approval, Nordstrom quickly defended the BHT actions: Oh, yes, Herr Director was in on it from the beginning. What…has he told you something different? Why, that no-good, son of a

The cause of death will not be determined until the autopsy is completed, but interim reports include eyewitness testimony that resident A. Arnold quietly sidled up by Inerrancys head and whispered the following into his ear: P1, the Bible comes from God; P2, God does not err; C, therefore, the Bible has no errors. At least one resident noticed that the invalid argument caused Inerrancy to rear back, nostrils flaring and eyes widened. Another resident tried to calm the animal with the comforting words, P3! P3! P3: God prevented the Bible from containing errors. There, there, girl. Unfortunately, the words had the opposite effect on the horse as Inerrancy started spinning rapidly in circles, foaming at the mouth, in a movement that others described as tail-chasing. I knew we should have kept Van Til locked up in the kennel out back. This is learned behavior or Im Sigmund Freud, said resident P. Winn.

Funeral arrangements for Inerrancy await completion of the autopsy. But she already has a lavish burial plot reserved next to other outstanding equine heroes: Sacramentology, Eschatology, RCC, and Sanctification. But none of the gravesites are as impressive as the one for the legendary TULIP. Sweet girl, reminisced Spencer. But tough as nails. Look, he said, displaying scars earned from some of TULIPs feistier antics. She about wore me out. Truthfully, Im glad shes joined the bleedin choir invisible.

When asked about future experiments, BHT scientists agreed that no further re-animation efforts were planned on Inerrancy. Unless we get bored, Nordstrom added. Frankly, weve got our hands full with mugs and pipes. Ha Ha. Just kiddin there. Seriously, weve got our hands full keeping the place tidy. We get the occasional driveby punks who spray the front with those annoying sucker-tipped darts. Then theres another bloke who breaks in after hours and likes to do his woodburning crafts on our bar. Fortunately, it seems that all hes got is a book of matches, so no permanent damage.

It is not known whether the autopsy will determine Inerrancys bloodline, which has been hotly debated. She was definitely born in 1978 in Chicago at the Hyatt Regency OHare Equine Maternity Ward, claimed resident J. Hunter. Her bloodline goes back to the 1880s and the original owners were Hodge and Warfield. She was purebred modernistphilosophical modernist, that is. Others disagree. Strenuously. Shes got noble blood, I tell ya. PRE-modern. Calvin, Luther, Augustineall the way back to first century Palestine, claimed a spokesman for Bibliology, Inc. Dont listen to those freakoids whove been bewitched by postmodernism.

We contacted the Rev. Joel Osteen for his views on the fate of Inerrancy’s soul. He said, Here’s my thing, is I can’t judge somebody’s heart. You know? Only God can look at somebody’s heart, and so…I don’t know. To me, it’s not my business to say, you know, this one is or this one isn’t. And I just I think it’s wrong when you go around saying, you’re saying the dog is going but not the cat, the horse is going but not the cow, because it’s not exactly my way. I’m just…I don’t know. I don’t know. You know what, I’m going to let someone…I’m going to let God be the judge of who goes to heaven.

Inerrancy is survived by no direct blood relations. Her friends Infallibility, Inspiration, and Authority could not be reached for comment and it is not known whether they will be attending her funeral. Again.