I have a moment here before we leave, so I’ll blog a thought or two.

Tuesday night my mom was fine. Wednesday morning, we all got up a little late- last day before school- and were in the kitchen. Mom was eating breakfast, and she spoke to me in a sentence that had a wrong word. I asked her to repeat, and the wrong word was still there. More conversation revealed more slightly displaced words and some nonsense, though she was oriented and communicating.

Denise took her blood pressure and we continued talking. The misplaced words soon became garbled sentences. Her speech center was dying right in front of us. We got her in the car and headed for the hospital, which is 17 miles away. By the time we were halfway there, she was “zoned out.” We arrived at the hospital, and within 17 hours, she was gone.

The CAT revealed two major bleeds, and mom and I were on the same page about this situation: It’s in God’s hands. No aggressive intervention. But the doctor wanted to move her, and we spend almost 3 hours fighting to keep her from being life-flighted to UK, where experience already tells me we would have been presented with an array of high tech procedures that neither mom nor I would choose. We wanted mom to be comfortable, prayed for, and for mom to have a dignified passing, if that was God’s providence for her.

I was fortunate to have a pastor friend with us who knows the hospital and medical community well. He let me ask a lot of questions, but could see we were about to be forced to go to UK and a long stay in ICU with the same (or worse) result. He got on the phone, found a local physician who would take supervision of the case, and presented the ER doctor with the cell phone. I spoke to the other doctor, and within minutes mom was in the Post-Critical Unit in our own hospital, in a private room.

For the next few hours, I watched mom’s consciousness ebb away slowly as the stroke took its toll. I read the Psalms and the Gospels to her. (Psalm 16 and 31 were precious, as is John 14-17.) I didn’t have my prayer book, so I made up a prayer for a good passing, and prayed it at least 50 times, along with the Lord’s prayer and other prayers. It seemed that the prayers and scripture reading hastened mom’s departure. The nurses came about 1:00 a.m. and said it would be soon. I called Denise and Clay and they arrived about 10 minutes before mom left. We all had a good time saying farewell, and I told mom all the things I could think of that I was thankful for. (I wasn’t present at my dad’s passing, and I am grateful I was here for this event.)

I said life is fragile. Mom was going on over to “her people,” and I was saying farewell, but she was showing me what it looks like to come to the end of the chapter where your brain is taking in the world around you as well as running your physical body. It is at moments like this, that we realize we are all children, that we fall into the arms of the father, that trust (faith) alone is what God requires because it is finally what life requires. I thought that these transitions are moments when we realize most what it means to be human.

Clay and I had the opportunity to have dinner while I took a break earlier in the evening. I talked with him about what you must know and do on this day: you must know what human dignity means, as well as the value of life, because life without dignity is not truly human. You must know what the other person wants, and be able to make a decision with the knowledge that you are doing what is right, loving and wise. Don’t be distracted by technology and what it can do. Don’t idolize the works or words of men. Don’t be confused by what others say “must” be done. Have an advocate there to help you. (My friend was PRICELESS.) Accept prayer, but don’t be afraid to pray for a good death, if that appears to be God’s providence. Be able to speak calmly and meaningfully about what is going on. Be, as much as possible, aware of every moment.

I say all this to my son- and to my daughter if she were there- because our times will likely bring us all to such a day, and it can actually be a good day if we are walking together, in love, where we all know God is taking us. Perhaps I can give them the prayer I said repeatedly for mom:

Christian Soul, depart and go to God. Lord, receive this, your child, made in your image, purchased with the blood of Jesus Christ, baptized in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Receive her, your own daughter, who has trusted you in life and now trusts you in death. In Jesus name, receive her into the Kingdom of Light with all the saints and angels to welcome her. Amen

I am looking forward to speaking about mom to her friends and family. She had some incredible qualities and was a faithful, good, unselfish person throughout life. Her faith was real and simple. (I recall how concerned she was about me when I reached 15 and still wasn’t “saved.” Mom never could speak much about her faith, but one day she begged me to make a profession of faith. It was embarassing at the time, but now I realize how hard it was for her to do, and of course it was the greatest kind of love.) It will be an honor to share the service with my friend pastor Greg Faulls. Pray for me at 11 a.m. Saturday.

I want to say one last thing. Frank Turk has posted asking for prayer for me, and I truly do appreciate it, and I hope I can speak for a lot of you in the BHT to say Thanks to Frank for treating me as a brother. While we can all still talk and type, I hope we see many more posts like that from all of us, for one another.